Thursday was a bit of an eventful day. I had a busy morning preparing for the arrival of our new cat, Janet, and went to the RSPCA to sign off all the adoption papers. Then I went to pick Mum up to take her to the hospital for the oncology appointment. There was the shuffling about of dropping Mum off at reception and going to find a car parking space, but this wasn't too bad as I'd allowed myself enough time to build in finding a parking space before the appointment time.
After booking in at the out-patient reception, we didn't actually wait that long before they called us in to clinic. The nurse took us through to one of the clinic rooms, where Mum started to feel claustrophobic and ended up having to wander about in the corridors. When the consultant came through Mum was wound up by feeling panicky, so the discussion about perhaps having radiotherapy in the future was tempered by Mum feeling that she couldn't possibly be have this type of treatment because of her claustrophobia. When it was explained to her that most people manage to be in a radiotherapy room without windows for 10 minutes on her own, Mum just said "Well that's not me!". Radiotherapy's off then love!
The consultation really focused on the fact that nothing would be done until Mum was actually symptomatic. As the stent has resolved the swallowing problem and there isn't in any pain, radiotherapy or chemotherapy wouldn't be offered until Mum was experiencing some difficulties. Whilst Mum was pleased that nothing was going to happen on the treatment front yet, I feel the opposite. It seems like we're in limbo, waiting for some deterioration before something can happen. It really seems like something should be happening, some action rather than just waiting. After experiencing Dad's treatment plan, which was surgery followed by chemotherapy and then chemotherapy on it's own when the cancer came back, it seems really odd to be doing nothing. I can't really work out what the thinking is with this approach, but I know there are people I can talk this through with to try to understand. Mum certainly didn't want to know anything else and was asked several times if she had any further questions, so I wasn't going to ask why waiting for the symptoms to come back would be the best idea. The next appointment is in February, with the proviso that this can be expedited if need be. Even if she is symptomatic, I'm wondering if Mum will turn radiotherapy down.
In a fug of dissatisfaction, I went to get the car, picked up Mum again and headed back to her house. That's when I started feeling unwell. I had only joked the other day that "at least I have my health" - ha, ha! I wasn't feeling so funny by the time I got home, everything aching, feeling shivery and rubbish. Despite this I was supposed to be going to pick up Janet, so went to get her, but when I got her back I really was feeling so terrible, with pains all down the right hand side of my stomach, feverish and shivery at the same time. I actually felt much better when I was sick, but I went to A & E to get checked out. It could have been the start of an appendicitis, but I escaped admission to be allowed to watch and wait. I slept most of yesterday and didn't eat for a whole 24 hours, proving I must be hideously ill. I have improved in myself, but the discomfort hasn't gone away. I will watch and wait some more.
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