And another thing!

So many things keep occurring to me. You may have to sit and stay a while....


I went to see Mum on Monday after the GP had been to see her in the morning. Mum was very impressed with the GP that went (a trainee), as he gave her a thorough examination and said she needed some blood tests. The GP had said that the weakness Mum had been feeling might be due to her being anaemic, so the district nurses would come and take some blood.

Whilst I was there Mum was telling me about how poorly she felt and how weak she was feeling, so much so that she said she was struggling to make a cup of tea. I asked if she'd been letting the carers make her lunch. "Oh no", she said. I told her that this was a bit strange, on the one hand her feeling so unwell, but on the other being able to get her meals ready and said that she should be resting and allowing the carers to make her lunch. It didn't go down very well. What's weird is that she really does seem OK. She has good colour, which seems to be indicating she's not anaemic. She's was quite upbeat during my visit and certainly not poorly in affect. It just doesn't add up. Either there is something going on, but something unusual makes her feel strangely ill but appear OK on the outside, or Mum is just wanting the attention.

Another thing that made me wonder what was really going on was when I phoned yesterday. She said she was feeling about the same as before, but when I asked if the district nurses had been to take the blood she said they hadn't and she hadn't been in touch with them. So feeling ill, needing a blood test, but not finding out what was happening with it? Again this doesn't add up. She left a message for said district nurses on their answerphone and heard from them this morning. Apparently they are "short staffed" and the GP hadn't marked Mum's blood as a priority, so they would probably be getting to Mum NEXT WEEK! Regardless of Mum's strange ill health, a blood test does make sense, so next week seems too long. I told Mum to telephone her own surgery and speak to her own doctor, which she did. Mum phoned me back (again), somewhat outraged at the receptionist saying she was going to e-mail the GP the message. E-mail?! Communication of the devil! The third call from Mum this morning came when she said her GP had phoned to say that he was going to ask the district nurses to visit urgently to take the bloods. So there it is. Bloods will be done at some point soon.

Two more things that are causing me angst - actually make that three! Firstly, I seem to be doing an awful lot of instructing. Phone the GP Mum. Phone the district nurses Mum. Check what's happening Mum. Nothing seems to be happening without me giving Mum a nudge, which again is very confusing as previously she would be at the GP at the drop of a hat for every single minor ailment, even during the time when Dad was ill and it was an effort to get her to the surgery. Perhaps it's just too much to be able to think things through rationally now Mum finds she has a serious illness, but I'm finding this very wearing. I just wish she would make her own enquiries and give me a call at the end of the day to update me, rather than me getting a call every step of the way and me having to make suggestions about what she should be doing next.

Secondly, all the messing about waiting for the district nurses to take the blood, when Dad's car is now on the drive at their house and my brother, who's car it now is by the way, is currently staying in that house. I know the car is on the drive, because I put it there on Monday. I also put the new car tax disk in the car, which was sitting on Mum's dinning table rather than on the windscreen. I don't think I can really do much more to enable this driving process. So the car is on the drive, the potential driver is in the house and there district nurses are booked to do a home visit? Grrrrrrr! Arrrggghhhhhh! This is just getting so stupid. It's nine months today since Dad died and brother still hasn't driven that car. What's going on?!!

Finally, I don't feel very well, so I suppose all the confusion of the last few days is making me feel ultra sorry for myself. I just feel yucky after the cold and coughing last week, which is lingering to this week. I fancy Yorkshire puddings for lunch, but we are out of eggs (or frozen Yorkshires) and the shop seems a very long way away. Not to worry. Tomorrow is another day, one with a lovely oncology appointment to look forward to.

Not even my own health...

Thursday was a bit of an eventful day. I had a busy morning preparing for the arrival of our new cat, Janet, and went to the RSPCA to sign off all the adoption papers. Then I went to pick Mum up to take her to the hospital for the oncology appointment. There was the shuffling about of dropping Mum off at reception and going to find a car parking space, but this wasn't too bad as I'd allowed myself enough time to build in finding a parking space before the appointment time.

After booking in at the out-patient reception, we didn't actually wait that long before they called us in to clinic. The nurse took us through to one of the clinic rooms, where Mum started to feel claustrophobic and ended up having to wander about in the corridors. When the consultant came through Mum was wound up by feeling panicky, so the discussion about perhaps having radiotherapy in the future was tempered by Mum feeling that she couldn't possibly be have this type of treatment because of her claustrophobia. When it was explained to her that most people manage to be in a radiotherapy room without windows for 10 minutes on her own, Mum just said "Well that's not me!". Radiotherapy's off then love!

The consultation really focused on the fact that nothing would be done until Mum was actually symptomatic. As the stent has resolved the swallowing problem and there isn't in any pain, radiotherapy or chemotherapy wouldn't be offered until Mum was experiencing some difficulties. Whilst Mum was pleased that nothing was going to happen on the treatment front yet, I feel the opposite. It seems like we're in limbo, waiting for some deterioration before something can happen. It really seems like something should be happening, some action rather than just waiting. After experiencing Dad's treatment plan, which was surgery followed by chemotherapy and then chemotherapy on it's own when the cancer came back, it seems really odd to be doing nothing. I can't really work out what the thinking is with this approach, but I know there are people I can talk this through with to try to understand. Mum certainly didn't want to know anything else and was asked several times if she had any further questions, so I wasn't going to ask why waiting for the symptoms to come back would be the best idea. The next appointment is in February, with the proviso that this can be expedited if need be. Even if she is symptomatic, I'm wondering if Mum will turn radiotherapy down.

In a fug of dissatisfaction, I went to get the car, picked up Mum again and headed back to her house. That's when I started feeling unwell. I had only joked the other day that "at least I have my health" - ha, ha! I wasn't feeling so funny by the time I got home, everything aching, feeling shivery and rubbish. Despite this I was supposed to be going to pick up Janet, so went to get her, but when I got her back I really was feeling so terrible, with pains all down the right hand side of my stomach, feverish and shivery at the same time. I actually felt much better when I was sick, but I went to A & E to get checked out. It could have been the start of an appendicitis, but I escaped admission to be allowed to watch and wait. I slept most of yesterday and didn't eat for a whole 24 hours, proving I must be hideously ill. I have improved in myself, but the discomfort hasn't gone away. I will watch and wait some more.

Back to the Grindstone

We have been away for almost a week's break, first in Ireland and then in St Annes-on-Sea, but it was straight back to work yesterday evening as soon as I got home. With a full day at work for me today, the holiday is almost dissolved, particularly as I am looking towards Mum's oncology appointment on Thursday, but I am so grateful to have had some time off.

Mum was still having a range of visitors before I went away. At one point she was seen by the dietitian, a Community OT, someone doing an assessment for the care providers, the carer and the District Nurse in the space of about 24 hours. Most significantly the MacMillan Nurse came to see us. The District Nurse had referred Mum on to the MacMillan Nurse, hence the visit.

That many people are going in to see Mum that she is actually starting to complain about how many times she's having to say everything, and how tired she is having to see them all, but from my perspective this level of support is brilliant. What a very different picture this is from when Dad was ill, when we struggled to make sure he was being cared for properly with very little input from anyone else. Having input from a MacMillan Nurse means that someone who knows about all the different types of support can offer specialist advice, rather than us struggling to know what input could be coming from services we know nothing about.

So the next step is the oncology appointment. I am partially expecting that the Oncologist will recommend not doing any chemotherapy, but that's just a hunch. Who knows what the appointment will bring.