Not even a small piece of toast

Went round to Mum's today and I think since the last time I was there on Friday she'd only digested a fortified drink from the dietian and two Actimel. I'm not even sure she'd had very much liquid beyond this. The last solid food I think she had was last Tuesday, when I she ate the tiny toast without the crusts. Of course now I'm calling in all the time I'm really noticing what's been eaten, what's in the bin and so on, so it's very easy to tell what she's had. As a result I really do know it's not enough to keep her going and it's little wonder she is feeling weak and dizzy.

I called at Tesco yesterday and got Mum some little smoothie drinks and a vanilla milkshake, just so she could try something different that didn't take too much effort to drink. When we left today, I left her with the milkshake and also left some chocolate on her bedside table. You never know it might encourage her to have a bit.

All this comes before I am due to go away, so of course I am worried, but at the same time acknowledge that I need a break. She could go down hill quickly, but this could go on for months, but without a rest myself I'm not sure how useful I'll be. I think my only option is to raise things with the MacMillan Nurse tomorrow and leave it in her (hopefully) capable hands. Friday's assessment with the social worker and district nurse concluded that Mum needed social care rather than nursing care, and whilst they are right as Mum has no new medical needs, it seems like something is needed from somewhere. I actually feel like I'm better of leaving things to the "professionals" as Mum is far more likely to listen to them than me. If the MacMillan Nurse says try to keep up your calorie intake.

I am calling round to Mum's in the morning again, after my dentist appointment, so think I will try her with a cheeky piece of very buttery toast again and beg her to eat it.

Admin & Clerical

I'm wondering if Mum is not well at the moment, or if she's just not got the will to be well. She's been in bed for virtually the whole time since she had her radiotherapy and is not eating much, although I did twist her arm to eat a tiny piece of toast from the world's smallest loaf when I called round yesterday morning. I did put a great deal of butter on, so she did have some calories, even though she wouldn't eat the crusts. I can't actually get to the bottom of why she won't eat. Sometimes she says she feels sick and other times she says she just doesn't fancy anything. As she's currently on steroids, this lack of appetite is quite strange. The oncologist did say that Mum would feel tired after radiotherapy, but to this extent? And with no appetite? I'm thinking it's going to be a temporary thing, but as the MacMillan Nurse has mentioned Hospice at Home when she phoned Mum today, maybe not. Whilst Mum is poorly, I can't really see that she's ill enough to have round-the-clock nursing care. I mean, what would they actually do? Make small toast and small talk to pass the time?

I got a call from Mum yesterday, when she had actually meant to be calling the social worker back. She had pressed redial, instead of dialing 1471, after just taking a call from said social worker. She said the social worker was calling round on Friday, supposedly followed by a visit from a co-ordinator from the care providers, but Mum didn't know why they were going. I thought it would be best to go round to Mum's to sort everything out, as I knew there was a phone number for the social worker there. I found the number and gave her a call, and she told me that she's going round with the district nurse to do an assessment. The care co-ordinator was going round as Mum had expressed problems with the carers. I pointed out that this visit seemed unnecessary, so we agreed that I would put all the issues in an email and she would pass them on to the care providers. Job done.

There was more phoning to do for various bits of information and requests, and looking through all sorts of files for correspondence about her benefits, so I ended up feeling like Mum's personal assistant. At least this is me being useful and means I can get to the bottom of some of the issues that Mum isn't taking on board, like why people are actually going to see her. This seems such a fundamental lack of interest, particularly when she phones me in an angry mood, expressing frustration at not knowing what's happening. I just don't know why she doesn't ask questions. It's not like she's 90.

Friday's assessment will be fun as Mum was cross today on receiving an outline of issues from the social worker. Apparently it was all wrong. Talk about start off on the wrong foot.