Rose Tinted Spectacles

My Fairy Godmother, Claire from Social Services, came to do Mum's needs assessment today. It was quite detailed and it was a bit tricky to keep emphasising that although Mum thought she didn't need all the input from carers, she might not always feel as well as she does now.

Mum actually wanted to drop the morning visit from the carers, the problem being that she was having to get up early to let them in. It won't be so bad when the key safe is fitted, which is a coded safe outside the front door that the carers access to let themselves in. The key safe hasn't been fitted yet, so that will make a vast difference as Mum could theoretically stay in bed if she wanted to. I was quite concerned that she didn't drop the morning visit. Take my experience of going to see her this morning. She had told the carers not to call as my brother was there, but at 9.30 when I arrived, he was still in bed and Mum hadn't got her own breakfast ready. She then asked me to get her breakfast. So, regardless of who was in the house today, if that had been a day when a carer wasn't doing a morning visit, she wouldn't have had any breakfast. I persuaded her to keep the morning visit and in the end Mum asked them to stop the bedtime call. We will have to see how this pans out. I have a terrible vision of her being bedridden by the chemo and there just not being enough carer's visits to cover her needs.

Interestingly one of the things that Claire was saying was that people are often buoyed by their experience of being discharged from hospital. This was certainly the case when Mum was relating information about her circumstances to Claire. As well as not needing the morning carer's visit, Mum said she got help from the neighbours, didn't have problems with motivation and depression, and was going out ok with family members before she went into hospital. In reality she has asked the neighbours for assistance only twice since Dad died, has ongoing mental health difficulties and would only go out with me for short periods of time, never on her own. I suppose it's difficult to be honest with strangers, but Mum certainly seemed to have had the rose tinted specs plonked on her nose. The information passed on from the hospital has definitely highlighted the motivation and depression issues, so I phoned Claire to say that certainly has been the case, which I anticipate could be a problem again. There could also be a fine line between post-discharge confidence and lack of insight about some issues that have been problematic for years, that are probably too ingrained to do anything about.

Mum's comment about the neighbours was actually quite peculiar. Mr and Mrs Neighbour have been keen to help, even whilst Dad was poorly, but this has offer of practical support has only been taken up on a few occasions. Mrs Neighbour called round as Claire was arriving this morning. She hadn't even realised that Mum was home from hospital. When I mentioned it to Mum she said she knew they didn't know and had been "hiding under the settee" since she got back! Input from a good neighbour is actually the sort of company Mum should be welcoming, but I suppose she's thinking that she shouldn't need their help if a daughter is close-by... All I know is half and hour's drive across the city for me is further a distance than down one driveway, along the pavement and up another driveway for Mr and Mrs Neighbour, even if they are both in their 80s. They are still both very active and Mr Neighbour still drives, a useful contact indeed.

There are lots of outstanding issues: a prescription for Fortisips, raised toilet seat, MacMillan referral, key safe, transition to permanent carers. There's probably some other stuff, but I just can't remember everything.